Its often the ironies that go along with that whole, "small world" cliche, that get to me the most.
The occasional "I can't believe you know Don too, WOW!" from someone I've met in my world travels, is never wasted on me.
Often my favourite is the glance, re-glance in passing, say at an airport or Casino or even once as bizarre as it sounds, at a concert in Tokyo, Japan. The glance is almost always eye to eye immediately. Then you both try to shake it off as a trick being played on you by your brain. It has to be right? I mean, what are the chances of seeing someone you know that well, somewhere where you'd surely never know anyone at all? Then the re-glance occurs and suddenly, you both come to the same conclusion. IT IS HAPPENING!
It's a damn small world indeed!
Four or five years ago, I hopped on a plane headed for Las Vegas. The goal was simple, I was going there to meet up with a few folks that I had only ever read about and what I'd read about them of course, was also written by them. You see, they were these 'Blogger' folks.
My first real addiction in the world of our blogs was Otis and I can admit that to this day, it's still the must read for me at every update. During the trip that year, Otis was one of the first of our type that I met. Funny enough looking back at it all now however, despite my desire to garner some form of literary knowledge from the master himself, I merely asked Otis a stupid question. All of that knowledge right there in front of me and what part did I want to get out of him? "Uh hey. Where's BadBlood?"
I've drank, dined, pokered, pai-gowed, let-it-ride, casually observed naked women, migrated, tried to move him to Canada, talked and once even, almost fell down with Otis ever since that day and quite honestly, I am a better man today for it all.
With the sale of The Cave just day's away now and the really big move across this great nation of ours looming closer and closer, I had written a bit about the only real home I'd ever known. It wasn't quite To the man buying my house exactly, instead it was this....
Welcome Home!
I know at first it seems a daunting task to buy a house, but fret not. For the journey that this little cave is about to take you on will surely surprise and amaze both you and your loved ones, hopefully for years and years to come. Ready for it or not, you've just found Home.
Now I'll warn you and hope that somehow it will sink in for you, but I already know that it won't. When you go into the crawlspace to check the sump pump every Spring, the third floor joist in is of the 2 x 10 variety, NOT a 2 x 8! I'm not exactly certain why that is but the fact remains, it sits a full two inches lower than the rest. You WILL hit your head on it every single time! The lump will become a hardened and permanent reminder over the years of course but somehow, you'll still manage to forget about that two inches before the next trip down into the dark.
Be ready for nature! Yes there will be Deer, Coyotes, the occasional Bear and the sound you will be hearing every night for as long as you are here, are the local Wolves. A full moon Summer night on the back deck with a Beer, Scotch or beverage of choice with your loved one, will allow the howls to enter your very soul. Usually as if by some magic, just when you think they won't be coming around that night, they'll be even closer than ever and the pulse of the cries can be felt in your breast. If you think of it, say Hi back for me once in awhile would you? Now of course, they aren't the only forms of nature you are going to see. You see, you now live in an area in the country a mere 20 minutes outside of town. This area is also known as, The Pet Store Recycle Bin!
This time of year is the best and worst of it all. Its just long enough after the season, where all of the joy and novelty of the new Christmas Pet has completely worn off. Be ready for Cats, Rabbits, Snakes and even the odd Gerbil to be making the treks across the front or back yard at any time. Hell, its nothing to sit out back and watch 'Hoots' the Barn Owl swing down into the grass, only to come up with a Hamster at this time of year. Oh and don't worry about the place getting over run with any of them either. Hoots has a way of taking care of that for you as well!
The reason that there are stairs all around the deck is simple. Actually, there are two reasons, but who really wants to hear about how stairs make it a much shorter fall for drunk friends? Once you set your butt down in the big comfy Muskoka Chair out there, I think you'll find the real answer. The idiocy of the mandatory rail height requirement makes it impossible to enjoy the view. All you can see of course, is railing. What I do for living is look for potential grey areas and plug them up. In the case of the deck and the view I wanted, I used the same grey area to my advantage. There is no law for stair railings, or for the amount of stairs a deck can have and VOILA! A deck with a view of Heaven.
Um... do you like Flowers? I hope so, because soon you are going to have them everywhere. Don't count on me to let you know exactly where they'll be because honestly, I don't really know myself. Every year my Wife and I, well, we did something kind of silly. We would plant a new "secret garden" somewhere on the property. Now as you can tell, we like our grass so don't worry. There will not be Geraniums popping up in the center of the yard in a week. But the outside perimeter of the property should be in full bloom by the end of April, then last until somewhere around the end of September. Don't ask me what the hell kind of flowers they are either, I haven't the faintest idea. I just know that every single year for 11 years in a row, I planted a whack of seeds and bulbs all over the place. I also know that they are very, VERY pretty. On a side note to the flowers, take the time when you can, to notice all the Ruby Throated Hummingbirds that love them too. When I was doing it right, they would land on me for a rest between feedings. Really a magnificent feeling.
Someday upon much closer inspection, you may have found a small drywall repair in the living room. Nothing big, just a small patch about 24 x 24 inches. A table leg made its way through there somehow and low and behold, I did my first solo work with drywall, tape and plaster. I looked at it myself last weekend and you know what? I think I did a pretty darned good job, even if I do say so myself. But I know its not perfect and someday I'm sure, you'll wonder who the hell did such a crap job on it. Now you know.
I left you a surprise too! Its my 'Welcome Home' gift to you Sir, if you will. You'll need to go out to the garage to find it though, consider it a "guy" thing from me, to you. You see once, long, long ago, that garage was full of more naked and partially naked women than almost anyone, (even AlCantHang!) could possibly imagine. I think it was a phase I was going through or something, possibly a third puberty. Anywho.... I felt the need to leave the very first picture I ever put up out there for you. Do with it what you will but maybe, just maybe, you may find yourself going through something similar yourself over the years. I just thought I'd help you get a head start on your own little project.
Any chance that you fish? You probably really don't want to tell anyone else, in fact, I think you're the first one I've ever told. But the creek that runs behind the house holds a little secret. Its probably the best Brook Trout fishing river in the area! I don't remember if you have kids or not but if you do, or know some that you really love, put some line on a stick and a small hook and a Grasshopper for your bait in the water with them. NOTHING fights like a one-pounder caught on a stick, right there in your own backyard! Now technically I know that its the neighbours backyard and all but honestly in your new Home, this is probably the one area that you'll find the most grey area imaginable to be honest. Yes you have neighbours and also yes, they live a fair bit away from you. But what you'll find out over the Summer is, they're damn fine people you'll want to be around more. So when its all done just right and everyone is comfortable with everyone else involved, the property lines become nothing but something you need to discuss, if you are in fact selling the property that they are on. Hopefully my friend, you won't have to worry about that, for a long, long time. This is also where I should probably mention to you, purely out of fairness and the goodness of my heart that your new Home, just happens to be the center point of the community. If its a lazy Summer evening and everybody feels like sitting around and shooting the shit over a cold beer and some Guitar music by the fire, it'll probably happen around your new fire pit!
I could write and write about your new Home for days, let alone hours. For you see your new Home is actually the first real Home, I've ever had to leave. Of course I've left dozens of buildings behind, but with nary a care in the world about any of them. I've gone through friends in more countries, cities and towns all over this big old flying rock than you good Sir, could probably comprehend. But through that all, I've never once had to leave my neighbours behind.
I'll be back for one last visit to the cave this coming Thursday and despite my best efforts to be a big boy and hold them back, I think I should probably tell you one more thing about your new Home. It is with the utmost of certainty that I can tell you that the recent water stains in the corner of the back deck, were from the last tears I ever shed at my Home.
My friend, enjoy your new Home. May the Hamlet of Utopia live up to your every expectation along the way also, as it certainly did for me.
My sincerest thanks for dropping by....
Hello online Poker, meet blase....
Could I give a shit financially?
UH no.
Do I feel robbed of my rights?
UH no.
The pain of losing online Poker?
I've had worse slivers!
The one thing that DOES have me riled up about the horseshit going on with Tilt and Stars though, is the loss of connection with you folk.
Like a good friend moving across the country for any number of reasons you both know that status quo is definitely, a thing of the past. You say it won't happen and often, you both do what it takes to stay in touch in one manner or another, for as long as you can. You both just go into it knowing that "long," may only last a few weeks at best.
As always, THIS GUY gets it.
Also as always, FOXY says it best.
I can't pretend to write like either of them. I'm just fortunate that I get to read them both and you know what?. That's what I like about us.
ALL OF US!
I could give a shit if we do it on Facecrap, Twitshit, IM or email but what I'll miss the most about this political and criminal nightmare we all chose to partake in is quite simply, the 'us' part.
$11 ~ $22 a week to hopefully get an hour or so with a few good friends I'd;
a) met
b) met often
c) grabbed their butt
or
c) never met at all but just can't wait.
Add in the chat, blog material and occasional funny friction and you know what?
I'm ALL-IN.
To those friends that make a living at telling us how it is in the world of online poker in North America or around the world, know that;
1) Your efforts have never been wasted on us, your friends and followers.
2) We all wish nothing but the best possible result for you, heading out of this ridiculous mess.
3) We're thank full to have had the chance to read your work. Some out there had NO idea! You want pity? Pity them!
My sincerest thanks for dropping by....
UH no.
Do I feel robbed of my rights?
UH no.
The pain of losing online Poker?
I've had worse slivers!
The one thing that DOES have me riled up about the horseshit going on with Tilt and Stars though, is the loss of connection with you folk.
Like a good friend moving across the country for any number of reasons you both know that status quo is definitely, a thing of the past. You say it won't happen and often, you both do what it takes to stay in touch in one manner or another, for as long as you can. You both just go into it knowing that "long," may only last a few weeks at best.
As always, THIS GUY gets it.
Also as always, FOXY says it best.
I can't pretend to write like either of them. I'm just fortunate that I get to read them both and you know what?. That's what I like about us.
ALL OF US!
I could give a shit if we do it on Facecrap, Twitshit, IM or email but what I'll miss the most about this political and criminal nightmare we all chose to partake in is quite simply, the 'us' part.
$11 ~ $22 a week to hopefully get an hour or so with a few good friends I'd;
a) met
b) met often
c) grabbed their butt
or
c) never met at all but just can't wait.
Add in the chat, blog material and occasional funny friction and you know what?
I'm ALL-IN.
To those friends that make a living at telling us how it is in the world of online poker in North America or around the world, know that;
1) Your efforts have never been wasted on us, your friends and followers.
2) We all wish nothing but the best possible result for you, heading out of this ridiculous mess.
3) We're thank full to have had the chance to read your work. Some out there had NO idea! You want pity? Pity them!
My sincerest thanks for dropping by....
I am, therefore I brag....
Fuck running good at cards....
Bow down to whatever God you may happen to pray to.
Beg Al-Ala!
Request Raj!
Spew a Heavenly Father!
Whatever it takes kids!
RUN LIKE ME ONE TIME.
Did I ever mention that I run not bad in friends?
My sincerest thanks for dropping by....
Bow down to whatever God you may happen to pray to.
Beg Al-Ala!
Request Raj!
Spew a Heavenly Father!
Whatever it takes kids!
RUN LIKE ME ONE TIME.
Did I ever mention that I run not bad in friends?
My sincerest thanks for dropping by....
L.I.N.K.S....
Just the thought of Brudder RIGGS writing again oughta' make you bitches smile like me!
Since her BUTT and Breasts are QUITE MAGNIFICENT as they always have been, oh, you can trust me! We should throw a big invisible party for what? All 34 and 3/4 C'ish of us?
She's so good at deception!
Poker player you know.
Probably actually 36B I know but as an expert in push-up technology and all, a man just can't admit that he.... you know?
Knows!
All we need to do now my dear is find some silly little Poker Room for The Doc and Peb's! ;)
Silly side note?
I have to admit I'm totally crushed that any Italian chick would admit, "mine are soft."
Random thought just came to me.
I feel LINKS!
My sincerest thanks for dropping by....
Since her BUTT and Breasts are QUITE MAGNIFICENT as they always have been, oh, you can trust me! We should throw a big invisible party for what? All 34 and 3/4 C'ish of us?
She's so good at deception!
Poker player you know.
Probably actually 36B I know but as an expert in push-up technology and all, a man just can't admit that he.... you know?
Knows!
All we need to do now my dear is find some silly little Poker Room for The Doc and Peb's! ;)
Silly side note?
I have to admit I'm totally crushed that any Italian chick would admit, "mine are soft."
Random thought just came to me.
I feel LINKS!
My sincerest thanks for dropping by....
Another Blogger game bites the dust....
Well, at least for me.
My last two VJ's were less about Poker and fun with friends, and far more about trying to get away from another on-line Douche bag extreme. Now you should know, none of DB's crap was aimed at me. Now if you were a "Girl," "Black," "Hispanic," or lord forbid, "Canadian," you were fair game. HEY WAIT! No wonder I was so disgusted! I AM ALL of those!
I did have to laugh at this comment though;
HEFFMIKE: Funny how, (insert random Douche Bags name here) can tilt Bammer too.
It's far from tilt HEFF! It's knowing when you're in the presence of true Douche bag greatness, and still being smart enough to walk away. My time means something to me so, I have no time to waste on such trivial matters.
Sorry Jos, not worth it to put up with the idiot.
Hope it's still fun for you though.
My sincerest thanks for dropping by....
My last two VJ's were less about Poker and fun with friends, and far more about trying to get away from another on-line Douche bag extreme. Now you should know, none of DB's crap was aimed at me. Now if you were a "Girl," "Black," "Hispanic," or lord forbid, "Canadian," you were fair game. HEY WAIT! No wonder I was so disgusted! I AM ALL of those!
I did have to laugh at this comment though;
HEFFMIKE: Funny how, (insert random Douche Bags name here) can tilt Bammer too.
It's far from tilt HEFF! It's knowing when you're in the presence of true Douche bag greatness, and still being smart enough to walk away. My time means something to me so, I have no time to waste on such trivial matters.
Sorry Jos, not worth it to put up with the idiot.
Hope it's still fun for you though.
My sincerest thanks for dropping by....
The Regina 411....
Purely out of the goodness of my heart, here is almost everything you need to know about Regina Saskatchewan.
1) It's 'breezy.'
2) When you google Canada's Worst Driver, a picture of Regina should cover it all.
3) They do have rules of the road just like anywhere yet some, may seem a bit foreign to you at first.
The rules:
a) A STOP sign in a shopping mall parking lot was put there by the mall itself. It's not like a "real" STOP sign.
b) In a similar vein to a red light at a busy four lane, four way intersection, the lines on the road are "merely suggestions."
c) Don't get me started on combining the two. You see here in Regina we ALL know that some "Idiot" put all those lines on the parking lot pavement. "That idiot ain't the boss of me!"
*side note to mall parking lots. Leave your cart wherever the Hell you want. Ìt`s not like its going to roll downhill or anything.
d) Tandem two trailer and particularly the triple trailer trucks, always have the right of way! That is unless of course, you happen to want to be where they are. Then all bets are off.
e) Manitoba drivers are the worst! Just ask all the poor folks from Regina that have actually crashed into them.
f) When considering a right hand turn off of an extremely busy five lane highway, ensure to stay as far left in the lanes as possible. FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE! Then simply cut her a hard right when you are certain you've almost missed your exit.
Of course I feel the need to explain sunny and warm Friday afternoons to you as well. When the two combine for one perfect day, all the other silly rules get thrown out the window and you only need to abide by one very simple little rule.
DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT!
Now let's see, where was I?
Oh yeah, Regina facts.
4) If you want directions here in town on a cold and blustery day, always ask a local. They know stuff! Any local can be quite easily found as well, as they will surely be the one driving around town in a T-Shirt with the window all the way down.
** Do NOT ever, EVER approach said local when they are actually behind the wheel of anything!
5) If you'll pardon the theft of a line from Armageddon folks, its a big-ass sky out there. Trust me, some kind of eye protection is a must! Your sunglasses should be polarized and three..... maybe just to be safe, FOUR inches thick at least. It is not rare to see someone putting chap stick on their eyeballs out here.
6) When buying a new home, do not worry about the condition of the oven. Why?
a) It's probably never been used.
b) You might not even see one in a house.
c) They won't be able to tell you how it works, even if there is one.
7) Did I mention that there is a restaurant of some kind or other, on every single frickin' corner? If you can't find the guy in the T-Shirt out on the roads, just look in any one of the restaurants. Hell, he`ll probably still have his car with him, so he should be easy to spot. Its not that they don't cook a home meal here in Regina either. It really all comes down to THEY DO NOT COOK A HOME MEAL HERE IN Regina!
8) Don't bother trying to pick up a Girl from out of town at the local pub either. You'll just be wasting your time you see, as the Grocery stores are full of them.
OH and 8 b) The girl with the really confused look on her face driving around town, she's a noobie for sure! She's actually looking for someplace that sells ovens around here.
9) They already know you're from Ontario, so don't waste your breath telling them. It's the squint in your eyes, the way you "signalled" your turn, (like that means anything!) and the stupid questions you continually ask like, "If water runs downhill and this place is flatter than Twiggy, where does it all go when the snow melts?" They will only answer, "You don't have puddles out East boy?" This is where I highly recommend that you try to curb your enthusiasm just a touch, and do you best to avoid saying something like, not the size of Saskatchewan we don`t.
10) Don't waste you time with Google Maps or Mapquest. To find a place like say, oh I don't know, how about the other side of town. Simply go to the second floor of your home and look out the window. You can see everything in this town from a 12 or so foot vantage point. Did you know that perfect vision at the height of 5' 11" here in Regina, can see for exactly 8 miles along the Horizon? It's true! I tested it! Hell, you can't even see that far on a flat calm body of water.
Here's one last fact for you kids;
Bonus) Peb's is in town for the weekend and everything you know or thought you knew about Regina, is about to change dramatically.
This place is about to RAWK!
*Always make sure your cart is at a full and complete stop before attempting!
** borrowed from the Regina Department of Motor Vehicles Licensing Bureau.
My sincerest thanks for dropping by....
1) It's 'breezy.'
2) When you google Canada's Worst Driver, a picture of Regina should cover it all.
3) They do have rules of the road just like anywhere yet some, may seem a bit foreign to you at first.
The rules:
a) A STOP sign in a shopping mall parking lot was put there by the mall itself. It's not like a "real" STOP sign.
b) In a similar vein to a red light at a busy four lane, four way intersection, the lines on the road are "merely suggestions."
c) Don't get me started on combining the two. You see here in Regina we ALL know that some "Idiot" put all those lines on the parking lot pavement. "That idiot ain't the boss of me!"
*side note to mall parking lots. Leave your cart wherever the Hell you want. Ìt`s not like its going to roll downhill or anything.
d) Tandem two trailer and particularly the triple trailer trucks, always have the right of way! That is unless of course, you happen to want to be where they are. Then all bets are off.
e) Manitoba drivers are the worst! Just ask all the poor folks from Regina that have actually crashed into them.
f) When considering a right hand turn off of an extremely busy five lane highway, ensure to stay as far left in the lanes as possible. FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE! Then simply cut her a hard right when you are certain you've almost missed your exit.
Of course I feel the need to explain sunny and warm Friday afternoons to you as well. When the two combine for one perfect day, all the other silly rules get thrown out the window and you only need to abide by one very simple little rule.
DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT!
Now let's see, where was I?
Oh yeah, Regina facts.
4) If you want directions here in town on a cold and blustery day, always ask a local. They know stuff! Any local can be quite easily found as well, as they will surely be the one driving around town in a T-Shirt with the window all the way down.
** Do NOT ever, EVER approach said local when they are actually behind the wheel of anything!
5) If you'll pardon the theft of a line from Armageddon folks, its a big-ass sky out there. Trust me, some kind of eye protection is a must! Your sunglasses should be polarized and three..... maybe just to be safe, FOUR inches thick at least. It is not rare to see someone putting chap stick on their eyeballs out here.
6) When buying a new home, do not worry about the condition of the oven. Why?
a) It's probably never been used.
b) You might not even see one in a house.
c) They won't be able to tell you how it works, even if there is one.
7) Did I mention that there is a restaurant of some kind or other, on every single frickin' corner? If you can't find the guy in the T-Shirt out on the roads, just look in any one of the restaurants. Hell, he`ll probably still have his car with him, so he should be easy to spot. Its not that they don't cook a home meal here in Regina either. It really all comes down to THEY DO NOT COOK A HOME MEAL HERE IN Regina!
8) Don't bother trying to pick up a Girl from out of town at the local pub either. You'll just be wasting your time you see, as the Grocery stores are full of them.
OH and 8 b) The girl with the really confused look on her face driving around town, she's a noobie for sure! She's actually looking for someplace that sells ovens around here.
9) They already know you're from Ontario, so don't waste your breath telling them. It's the squint in your eyes, the way you "signalled" your turn, (like that means anything!) and the stupid questions you continually ask like, "If water runs downhill and this place is flatter than Twiggy, where does it all go when the snow melts?" They will only answer, "You don't have puddles out East boy?" This is where I highly recommend that you try to curb your enthusiasm just a touch, and do you best to avoid saying something like, not the size of Saskatchewan we don`t.
10) Don't waste you time with Google Maps or Mapquest. To find a place like say, oh I don't know, how about the other side of town. Simply go to the second floor of your home and look out the window. You can see everything in this town from a 12 or so foot vantage point. Did you know that perfect vision at the height of 5' 11" here in Regina, can see for exactly 8 miles along the Horizon? It's true! I tested it! Hell, you can't even see that far on a flat calm body of water.
Here's one last fact for you kids;
Bonus) Peb's is in town for the weekend and everything you know or thought you knew about Regina, is about to change dramatically.
This place is about to RAWK!
*Always make sure your cart is at a full and complete stop before attempting!
** borrowed from the Regina Department of Motor Vehicles Licensing Bureau.
My sincerest thanks for dropping by....